We’ve all fallen for it. People and claymation cartoon characters in bands are dreamy.
Do you really want to be trapped in Newspaper Land with someone anyway? YOU’LL JUST BE TOSSED AWAY IN THE BIN.
Pretend “Milk” is the name of the band and it’s too damn hot out. Guess what? IT WAS A BAD CHOICE.
And they come first, usually.
And you won’t get the pleasure of bumping into Tim Riggins.
The band’s music is only so-so.
Remember what I said about them already having girlfriends and boyfriends? They will only look at you with contempt and trepidation. They think you want to break up the band. THESE PUNCHES ARE FOR YOU.
And the excuse, “Sorry babe, I can’t tonight, I have band practice” becomes the bane of your existence.
That is, until you end up being the one manning the merch table at shows.
Everything’s gotta be some life experience. On vinyl.
And your boyfriend or girlfriend just doesn’t understand.
Especially your relationshi’p.
On the very slim to nill chance your significant other’s band actually makes it in some degree, you will hear one chord and be filled with rage, regret, and most likely nausea.
“May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.” — Tina Fey in “A Mother’s Prayer for Her Child,” Bossypants.